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Topic ClosedFirst Date Complications...

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E13 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: First Date Complications...
    Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 2:42pm
A friend found this posted on Craigslist and forwarded it to me... OOPS!
 

To the woman who sh!t in my car - m4w (Tucson, NW Foothills)


Reply to: pers-j2f3k-1112261347@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-07, 7:38PM MST


We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that his post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had real chemistry sitting at BJ's Brewhouse sharing a basket of Wings while drinking the Nutty Brewnette. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passanger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with the Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me." was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. Thats why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a bit better... like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Joe

P.S - If you sharted yourself on purpose to end the evening early... Touche'...

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First of all, I don't even like you. Second of all, I don't even drink...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 2:46pm

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E13 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 2:48pm
First of all, I don't even like you. Second of all, I don't even drink...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 2:59pm
Another reason NOT TO WEAR WHITE PANTS.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 3:01pm
I told him I wanted to go home. He just didn't get the hint!!!  And that wasn't real leather...
Big Air. Kids today, that's all they want, big air. I say stick to the mountain. That's where the fun is. You want big air kid? Pull my finger.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 3:02pm
Good way to end a bad date, I suppose...  Gambling is risky business (and britches).
First of all, I don't even like you. Second of all, I don't even drink...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 3:06pm
"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost."
 
The story really seems to have some kind of Taoist symmetry; however, if this is on Craigslist does that mean the person he's writing to is a hooker (sorry, exotic dancer)?
 
-b
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 3:08pm
I think it was someone who met a woman on Craigslist...
First of all, I don't even like you. Second of all, I don't even drink...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 3:12pm
lulz were had
What is this "snowboarding" everyone speaks of.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 4:27pm
Nothing ends the night quicker than a steaming deuce. Who knows why? Since when did it become socially unacceptable to shart on a first date? I guess i've been out of the dating game for awhile. Oh how times have changed.
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shred ze gnar

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 4:31pm
lies, girls don't fart/poop
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 4:32pm
Probably the funniest thing i've ever read. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 5:07pm
this is the second thing i read tonite that had me in tears laughing, the first being the open letter to dr. laura. and gsrrr, if girls don't poop/fart can you please inform my 6 yr old daughter, cause she laughs when she farts, especially in public, and clogs the toilet at least once a week with one of her massive "poops", as well as my 2 yr old(cause i am sick of changing crappy diapers).
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 5:17pm
if i were the receiver, i wouldn't be able to tell if this guy were mocking me or not
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 5:44pm
The pepto is pretty classic.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 6:10pm
LOL wow, that's oddly sad for the dude and really embarrassing for the girl. Gave a good laugh though haha
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 7:13pm
Haha, that's pretty good. I remember a story like that being posted on here a couple of years ago, but I forget exactly what it was about. I enjoy the last part of it - Touche'
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 7:40pm
My brain just exploded when I got to "everyone has gambled on a fart and lost". Seriously, the funniest work of literature I've read in years-dude who wrote this is talented
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 7:45pm
Originally posted by E13

I think it was someone who met a woman on Craigslist...

doesn't that just automatically mean hooker? Potentially even tranny hooker...

I'm here for the gangbang....
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/05/2010 at 10:40pm

Wow,  LOL this is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read.

I applaud you sir

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 3:01am
If this relationship does reconnect and progress... I'm sure they will never forget their first date... remember the time when you... then I made a post on the internet that everyone could read....

This guy has to move on.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 3:09am
I spilled an entire pint of Killians Irish Red on my wife's blue dress on our first date. If she had sharted on my seat I don't think we'd be married now though.
A thermos keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold.....BUT HOW DOES IT KNOW???
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 3:26am
I think the worst thing that happened to me its becoming nervous and get my mouth dry.
The kisses with dry mouth arent nice =P 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 6:01am
I read this before,  I think there is a "best of craigslist" on craigslist.  It's a funny read.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 7:42am
It probably went something like this:

is it just me? or is common sense not that common.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 7:56am
the guy is obviously mocking the girl...they met on craiglist, which means they have each other's contact information, eithier phone or email to arrange the meet...he could have easily told her what he posted in private, but he didn't...he's clearly an a-hole and that's why she ended the date that way anyways, to ensure there's no way that he'll want to get in her pants...nice
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 8:03am
HAHAHAHAHAHAA

"First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me." HAHAHAHA.

OMG, I think I just sh!t myself
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 8:06am
AHAHAHAHA!!!

that was just awesome..
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 8:12am

It doesn't matter if that really happened or not, that is funny!  I really hope its real tho!

That's what she said!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 10:01am
this cant be real...i mean who would really post this?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 11:20am
disgusting.  and I've never seen anything as desperate as this.  so sad.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 11:29am
The dude might as well post pics of her and let the world know what she looks like.

He knows her address and crap why not meet up in person? She must be a looker if it's real.



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/06/2010 at 11:38am
That story made my day.  And i don't think someone could be more desperate
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 3:01am
Wow, that would've been the last time I wanted to see a girl if she did that on a date with me! But kudos to this guy, too funny!!!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 8:13am
Maybe the guy is THAT desperate or he's just into that stuff. To each their own I guess.
is it just me? or is common sense not that common.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 9:33am
LOL!  Seriously, that CAN'T be for real.  Wonder how many people almost crapped their pants laughing when they read that?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 10:09am
hah funny.  I doubt it's real though.  Plenty of people posting things on craigslist that isn't true.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 10:30am
that's pretty F'n funny
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 11:22am
Originally posted by pyrotechnics

this cant be real...i mean who would really post this?


Actually a lot of people post their unbelievable stories like this on craigslist. 
Sessions sucks hairy monkey balls, the end.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/07/2010 at 6:49pm
It doesn't matter if it's real or not, this is hilarious it'd be super awesome if it is real thou
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/08/2010 at 2:40pm
if she was a hot girl and sharted in your car..leaving a nice dirt trail on the expensive leather seats... would that incident prevent you from seeing her again..or would you still go out again cause shes a hot girl?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/08/2010 at 2:52pm
Poo has allways been funny and allways will be - as will farts
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug/08/2010 at 6:48pm
Originally posted by xcell1

Poo has allways been funny and allways will be - as will farts

couldn't have said it better myself! poop IS funny! end of story
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